Sunday, May 24, 2009

What To Wear With Leather Skirt

FIND CONFIDENCE


Soon Brian will chime finish rest here with me (that is created, you will rest), but while every detail just finished and can come I advance my work as I can. When you arrive I'm sure that after so long without seeing each other last thing you want is to paint normal right?

 

¿Puede alguien querer pintar, o trabajar en lo que sea, con Brian Kinney pululando en vaqueros mal abrochados sin ropa interior a su alrededor?   Yo no, no tengo tanta fuerza de voluntad, soy un alma débil.

 

Hoy sólo he parado un par de horas para ir a comer con la vecina de abajo a   la cafetería, lo cierto es que no la conocía y si no hubiéramos hablado ayer en el landing would still make friends with any neighbor.

is friendly, fun and looks good person, one who is alone in New York , but she did really seems to be alone while I have luck, I'm only momentarily and I know that whenever you need will be for me. While that is something that took me a lot in understanding and que a veces aún me venga a la cabeza… pero ahora sé que no es así.

 

¡Estoy tan impaciente por que venga de una vez a esta ciudad que se me eterniza el tiempo! Menos mal   que una vez aquí hará que cualquier cosa haya merecido la pena.

 

Por otra parte cada vez que hablo con él por teléfono I'm so tired I passed a huge penalty. Already sleeps little and just eat ... I'm sure there these days just come and stressful as well as very tired even thinner.

Well, he should return to the canvas if I want to spend, when it comes, all the time to it. I can not give you all my time, I know, but as much as is in my hand ... When Brian through that door I can not do anything but wrap me in his arms. Neither able nor willing.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Six Million Dollar Man




say good things come to end soon, I say prontísimo. Daph Two days have passed in the blink of an eye, but of course, how well we've had and the confidence that we have released.


It was like old times, when I see it, pase el tiempo que pase siempre parece que la haya visto ayer y que la distancia no sea capaz de minar ni mermar nuestra relación. Y es cierto, no es capaz.  

 

El domingo por   la noche la pasamos en vela, apenas dormimos, fue una noche dedicada a contarnos aquello de nuestra vida que no fuimos capaces de decirnos por teléfono. Y yo tenía más de un cotilleo de   esos que no se pueden decir   sin verse uno a la cara. Aunque necesité more than one joint and a Whisky to let go what I was going and at the end, I have been able to overcome.

has promised me that once again have some holidays are coming to see me again. I know he will, is a woman of her word and what the heck! We've had great.

When I accompanied yesterday morning Airport neither had slept, she would throw a guess you sleep on the plane. I went home and slept until lunchtime. Then with a smile on, finished the work that had begun.

But it is a simple smile is a smile ... she was pleased these days and as Brian said that this runs week will end the campaign and come. I did not start to jump and the hysterical, haha, but I think it should be normal at this point I can not wait to see my husband right?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Dark Green Stool Black Adult




I thought this weekend would be long and boring, paint without removing the head of the canvas and try to move quickly, advancing all the work they could to go soon to see Brian. And in part it has, finished the work to which he was putting the finishing touches, and before preparing the next canvas called the phone.

the end I was not so alone. Daphne called to tell me veníaa New York on Saturday, and although we were talking about two hours, took three minutes to reach the conclusion that it would be me.

arrived at noon or so when we entered the apartment opened her eyes so expressive that you have with a smile from ear to ear and walked him twice without stopping to tell me over and over again how amazing it was so big, so bright and on arrival I looked into the bedroom in the eye with that expression, lol so Daph.

We Chinese food and began to decide what we would do at night, the truth is that I was so excited to see that the weekend I am being happening in the blink of an eye. Will leave tomorrow morning and although it will be nearly two days seem to me so little!

As she rested a while I called Brian to tell as well if I was going to go out there not want him worried and missed him very much, I miss you, always ... he knows it. Then do not wake her, let her sleep for a while mientras adelantaba un poco la obra que estoy empezando y que seguro que estará influenciada por ella.

 

Fuimos   a una cafetería muy parecida al Diner, en realidad nada   comparable a él, pero si tuviéramos que compararla, sí, era una cafetería situada en la zona gay. Pero ni tan colorista, ni tan alegre, ni tan familiar… sólo parecida. Aunque nos trajo un montón de buenos recuerdos y estuvimos un rato riéndonos.

Then we went dancing, had much to not go out with Daph well and, frankly, in New York I've hardly been out dancing. It is not something that I feel like having to Brian so far, it's funny when he put his arms around me or where I can laugh with Emmett, but here I remember dancing with my husband or my family I like.

But yesterday I had a fear, I laughed a lot with her, I danced more than he had in all my time in this city. Daphne loves to go out with me for the environment, says that she is happy, funny, always liked but, deep down, I remembered a lot of Babilon and Brian, and so many nights, though I suppose that's inevitable.

arrived home late, at three, we had a few but nothing more. We fell into bed next to each other and so we have awakened a while ago, is the only woman who slept in my bed, is curious how good I am at your side ... it's great when she is.

I did not had to remove any nuisance it, but, haha, she loves me a few. Nothing unusual in a gay nightclub the two or three in the morning. Guess what normal. Also the next time you repeat this out hope that Brian is with me and then be wonderful. Wonderful and hot.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Everio Battery Does Not Charge

CHANGE OF PLANS I'M IN NEW YORK


I'm back in New York, had no choice, the work I expected, I have a couple of meetings I go to the gallery tomorrow. It's always hard when I left him but after nearly a week in his arms, feeling pampered and loved, it is certain that come with batteries charged to face this huge city.

Although Who denies it? The would make much more loaded with enveloping presence. But you can not have everything in life, let alone all at once What will you do!

Brian had a lot of work, the company is stop and I've had far more time than usual to paint. But I've been with him and I think his presence has strengthened me, I could talk to Ely clarify my ideas, which I really needed.

yesterday to enter the plush apartment he sent to me, for the first time I got to feel comfortable. I left my bag, took a shower and lie down in bed or a single shadow disturbed my sleep.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Syphilis Long And Short Term Effects

LOOKING AT THE BOTTOM OF MY SOUL FROM GUILTY AND ASHAMED


I wonder what time after my departure to New York began to change. I do not mean to when I realized my painful insecurity, not even that I sensed. Nor at the time Brian felt something was wrong, he was more jealous, inquisitive, cuddly ... No!

I mean the minute I started pulling the rope. Yes, that moment in the distance and the loneliness began to take its toll on me. That first change that you crave an imperceptible and yet often decisive for get to do things they will later regret.

.

Brian also changed the distance surely influenced him, but our changes were not at par. My husband learned to love and appreciate, to know what I needed to appreciate the need to form a pair of two. Just two. In a few months Brian demonstrated the ability to love with a capital, the need to have me at his side, me and see me happy, fear to lose the confidence necessary to share my secrets with me that I had buried.

Yes, the problem is trust, not yours but mine. At some point, as he was leaving the skin to show me he loved me, I started to lose myself. When a couple of nights ago he told me on the Messenger "... that was my fucking self-esteem so low as to think that after what happened this year was going to go with you to ... "Suddenly I started to try to remember.

Well, not suddenly, just for a moment, I saw that damn kid of seventeen and went through my life at his side trying to see me reflected in a moment as I am today. I'm still me, inside me I'm sure I'm still me. But if I could see the boy for five or six years maintained a non-relationship with Brian, who was slowly able to fight for everything she believed ... the runner, I carcajearía certain to me.

By then Brian once told me that a man should know when to seek help, do not know how you ask for something like that, not that he should ; to do. Since then I am sure my husband does not deserve punishment will tell you more, or again you get that or any issue, should not have to help anything. Although I acknowledge, with hand on heart, I wish I could ask for help understanding how definitively away everything I have been mortifying. After so many years together I, I, would have to know how to get the head of all this crap unjustified doubts and uncertainties and behave with a modicum of dignity and respect myself. And I'm gonna do for me, first for me but then for him ... for us.

What if I've realized what I was doing? Oh yeah, the memory is a silver bullet. Maybe not when you remember is always better than what you have. But never, ever could have imagined that one day llegaríaa have so much, and yet I know enjoy it for what only looked at what I need ... no I had.

I do not know if I'm thoughtful, quiet and lonely in their eyes. I want to be myself, enjoy it, take your memory poderme when in New York and enjoy the memory. I would like to see me as I have always been and not as a fucking dyke I became at some point. Not that I want to see me and to praise or such crap is that after four days without stopping to think, review, discover and try to redirect my ideas, I would think that, finally, I have some clear

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Ways To Fold Decorative Bathroom Towels




I have no desire to write, I feel bad despite being at home, at his side, I can not feel bad remedy. But do not feel bad that yesterday I spoke so well that hardness is given, nor the times I did feel a complete idiot.

I asked for a word that would define how I felt ... It was so hard! Just a thought? I felt guilty, stupid, wrong. But I felt guilty over all others. Guilty of all the pain he caused, his discomfort, guilty of every stupid idea that was thought and said.

moron ... How did I behave that way? say that, thinking, thought. Can anyone tell me how it might do so? How could I be jealous of a woman? Yes, I know, I know the reason why I'm so ashamed.

settled the issue yesterday and to return has not opened his mouth and pointed me anything or need to. Every time I look at my agreement and I would of slapped, sometimes close my eyes ashamed to what happened, not daring even to think on that topic.

Sorry, I do not know what happens to me, but I can not talk about it, not even thinking about it. Maybe in a time when everything has been natural to expect it but right now I have no desire to continue and again remembering those days.

All I would really, really, is to make sure that I believed. You know it hurts him dañoy fact that he knows how I feel about that yesterday did not seem to ... whatever. I guess I deserve this wretched uncertainty.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Spyware Doctor Licence

A CONVERSATION THAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE PLACE


still do not know how I was able to tell. One thing is to write in my journal that I think sometimes, even madness, because I know que nadie lo va a saber y que es un simple desahogo. Pero ayer mientras hablábamos por Messenger yo me puse algo celoso ¡Joder, estaba celoso de una tía! Mierda debo de estar loco.

 

 

Lo cierto es que no lo estoy, ni es la primera vez que siento celos de Rose… Sí, es homosexual, pero las mujeres lo desean tanto como los hombres y lo devoran con los ojos. Desde que empezó con la cuenta de Prada apenas habló con él por Messenger o en la comunidad once a week and the phone ... well it's something different.

also fucked with a woman other for years How can you be so sure that luxury, class and elegance they will not blind at a time when you're alone and quite hot? Fortunately that is not reading this, thank goodness we can not read why I can not imagine what would happen.

 

Solo le pregunté pero se enfadó de verdad, mucho, claro que no se me ocurrió otra pregunta que “si era una mujer de verdad” y en realidad no era tal la pregunta, ya que sé que Brian es muy sincero. Para cuando quise esquivar la conversación   él estaba furioso y yo no podía callar sin más, Brian no aceptaba un simple silencio.

 

Me comparó my working relationship with Tom to his own with her and that hurt. I started remembering that I had fucked Tom and thus I thought what he was trying to tell me ... Could he be able to use this method again? He said no and I knew it was always sincere and yet my mind recalled other tempos and fuck I died of jealousy, in the end got angry and left.

As sound is gone. I wanted to shut me up, I asked him to stay and I apologized, tried to apologize to the truth and waited but did not return in a long time. When morning I woke up he was asleep on the couch and I know it hurt a lot to doubt his sexuality, he felt jealous of a woman and I feel that what we have been distant and I look different .

still not sure how far I have got angry or not, but I feel terrible. I know they have razóny my jealousy should be stupid and irrational and I thank you not know the things I thought.

But at this point does not know how much I regret those first words and how I would turn back to eat my own thoughts. I do not know I trust him, that all are thoughts, fears and insecurities, but nothing I care more than their word. It has always been sincere and I feel that this thought has brought all this ...

All for a woman I'm crazy fuck!